Reverse Anorexia?

One of the confounding things that happens when I lose weight, is I begin to see how fat I really am.  For instance, I gain the bulk of my weight around the middle.  I don’t notice this when I’m eating whatever I want.  Yeah, it’s tough to zip my pants.  Yes, many shirts aren’t big enough to skim over the spare tires.  But I ignore it.  I think to myself, this is what happens when you eat whatever you want, whenever you want.  Oh, well.

When I begin to lose the weight, I really see the extra pounds on my frame.  Since I’m paying attention to how quickly or slowly the spare tires are receding, I can’t help but notice they’re there.  And how prominent they are.  I begin to look at pictures differently.  Like, did I really wear that on vacation last year?  I thought that looked kind of cute, but it seemed to make me look even rounder.  Then I feel bad for my old self, maybe even a little embarrassed.  There I was, living my life, not knowing how fat I was.  Holy geebuz!  It’s almost like having reverse anorexia.  An anorexic can’t see how thin she’s getting, and I couldn’t see how much weight I was putting on. 

I know from previous experience that no one, other than my mom, will notice any weight loss until I lose about 20 more pounds.  I’m in that fat-girl zone where I look the same, give or take 10 pounds.  I think many of us can get to a spot where we just look fat, and extra pounds one way or another, do not make a difference to our overall appearance.  It’s a good place when you’re gaining, but a difficult place when you’re losing. 

Because I know my mind plays tricks on me, I’m keeping a food log and weighing myself every day.  That way if I gain or lose, I can try to see where the problem is.  It also helps me keep track of my nutrition.  For instance, I was at a mini-plateau for a few days.  I wasn’t eating any grains or added sugars and I stayed at the same weight.  Then, one day I dropped down .8, the next day 1.2.  The lesson learned was to eat as well as I can and the weight will come off.  Maybe not every day, but it comes off.