Reverse Anorexia?

One of the confounding things that happens when I lose weight, is I begin to see how fat I really am.  For instance, I gain the bulk of my weight around the middle.  I don’t notice this when I’m eating whatever I want.  Yeah, it’s tough to zip my pants.  Yes, many shirts aren’t big enough to skim over the spare tires.  But I ignore it.  I think to myself, this is what happens when you eat whatever you want, whenever you want.  Oh, well.

When I begin to lose the weight, I really see the extra pounds on my frame.  Since I’m paying attention to how quickly or slowly the spare tires are receding, I can’t help but notice they’re there.  And how prominent they are.  I begin to look at pictures differently.  Like, did I really wear that on vacation last year?  I thought that looked kind of cute, but it seemed to make me look even rounder.  Then I feel bad for my old self, maybe even a little embarrassed.  There I was, living my life, not knowing how fat I was.  Holy geebuz!  It’s almost like having reverse anorexia.  An anorexic can’t see how thin she’s getting, and I couldn’t see how much weight I was putting on. 

I know from previous experience that no one, other than my mom, will notice any weight loss until I lose about 20 more pounds.  I’m in that fat-girl zone where I look the same, give or take 10 pounds.  I think many of us can get to a spot where we just look fat, and extra pounds one way or another, do not make a difference to our overall appearance.  It’s a good place when you’re gaining, but a difficult place when you’re losing. 

Because I know my mind plays tricks on me, I’m keeping a food log and weighing myself every day.  That way if I gain or lose, I can try to see where the problem is.  It also helps me keep track of my nutrition.  For instance, I was at a mini-plateau for a few days.  I wasn’t eating any grains or added sugars and I stayed at the same weight.  Then, one day I dropped down .8, the next day 1.2.  The lesson learned was to eat as well as I can and the weight will come off.  Maybe not every day, but it comes off. 

Crispy Chicken Skin!

            I’m still on the Primal Blueprint diet, or my version of it.  If I didn’t keep “falling off the wagon”, I’d be real close to Mark Sisson’s version of it.  I’ve been “good” for four days now, and feeling great.  (But I’ve also been more on the diet than off for the past month.) My energy is so much greater.  I’m getting more done and am happier about it.  There’s nothing like dragging my sorry, tired self though my days that makes me really grumpy.

             My biggest hurdle is figuring out what to eat, and often that leads to figuring out what to cook.  There aren’t a lot of primal fast food spots.  I can make do, but I’d prefer to stay away from the ‘bad’ vegetable oils and extra sugars found outside of my kitchen.   Breakfast is turning into an egg or two, scrambled or boiled, along with chopped vegetables or bacon.  Snacks include Greek yogurt (many Primal types stay away from dairy, but I need it as a crutch right now), almonds, or an organic cheese.  I saw a recipe for Primal sushi and I’ve made two versions of it so far.  One, with eggs, for breakfast and the other, with smoked salmon and cream cheese as a mid-morning snack.  Despite how it sounds, I don’t eat dairy every day, but it’s nice to have when craving a treat.

            I have to re-learn how to cook steak.  I'm out of practice.  I can do beef kabobs, with a nice marinade I found on the food network site.  It’s hard finding grass fed beef that doesn’t cost a small fortune.  I haven’t yet taken the leap to talk to the local organic, grass fed beef farmers in the area.  But it’s relatively easy to find wild salmon and organic chicken. 

            It was pretty thrilling the other night to have chicken with the crispy skin on it!  And zucchini and yellow squash gratin.  I think the last time I had gratin was three years ago on Christmas Eve. 

            But here’s the craziest thing, I’m losing weight.  I love that I’m losing weight while eating gratin, steak and chicken skin.   Yeah, once in a while I’ll look longingly at a crusty roll (hence the falling off the wagon).   I loooove candy, and buttery baked potatoes are this close to heaven for me.  But it’s a great trade-off.  I can lose weight and still have meat and cheese, or I can continue to gain weight eating cinnamon buns and M&Ms.  I’ll take the great food and weight loss, please.